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Fatherhood
Fatherhood Wednesday
18Jun
On Fatherhood
Wednesday, June 18, 2008 at 12:01AM 
Midnight just passed and I’m awake and uninspired. MRS is out of town and I know that Lulu will be dropping an atomic pile driver on me at 5:30AM. As you can see, I haven’t shaved in a few days as I have been knee deep in packing and getting ready for our move.
I suppose my intermittent insomnia has kicked in, and I really feel like going out for a beer. Unfortunately, Colorado law forbids leaving children under 5 home alone for such frivolity. And since we don’t have many babysitters that are on 24hr call, it appears that I’m stuck in the house, bound to get no more than two or three hours of sleep.
I just started watching videos of the kids. This is what I do late at night when I can’t sleep and don’t feel like writing. I watch kid videos and look at baby pictures. I think it’s my attempt to slow down their growth. They’ll be 3 and 5 this summer and it already feels like they’re almost ready to go off to college.
As we plow through our frenetic life, I do my best to savor the little things with the girls. It’s also these times when I ponder my skills and competency as a dad. It’s when I think about the laundry list of things I could do better in that regard. I know I’m a good dad. I know I could be a much better dad. I think that’s the tough part about parenting—the abundance of over-thinking. The perpetual second-guessing that comes with the multitudes of decisions that have to be made on behalf of the kiddos.
But that’s the fun part, too. Especially when you do it right, make the right decisions, handle them the right way; they almost give you that nod of approval that says, “Dad, you nailed it today.” When that little father-daughter symbiosis happens in my house, it’s the most gratifying thing imaginable. I think the key for me and my dad skills is to do what I can to increase the frequency with which it happens.
Now excuse me while I watch a video of the girls singing to the dog. Then I need to get some sleep so I can try to make some symbiosis happen tomorrow. Groggy dads suck at symbiosis.
Update on Wednesday, June 18, 2008 at 04:20PM by
Mitch McDad
Mitch McDad
Just an FYI. I went to bed shortly after posting last night. Lulu jumped on me at 1:45AM. Lilly woke me up at 3:45AM to inform me that she had to go potty. I informed her that she was absolutely allowed to go potty without obtaining my permission.
Result: Daddy groggy today; symbiosis not yet attained.
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Reader Comments (4)
We don't have a video camera and I'm thinking that might be a mistake. Our digital camera takes (crappy, tiny) videos and its fun to watch them even without any sound.
I've got two daughters as well (two and a half and six months), and I'm getting that nagging feeling that they'll be grown and gone any day now. Maybe I'll head on over to Amazon and see what they've got for video cameras...
Did I miss the post where you said where you're moving to?
I'm kinda in the same boat, hubby is out of town and I've got the kids to myself for the week. I really wanted a margarita at dinner last night (we went out after doing three hours of rock hauling). I don't think my five-year-old is quite ready to drive us home, although it would be along fairly deserted roads. Plus there's the whole, "What if there's an emergency and I'm not sober enough to drive to the hospital!?"
I always find the pile of ironing useful at times like these. A few minutes ironing usually has you crying for your bed! And I bet MRS will think you're wonderful!
This is an awesome post, MMD. Well written and extremely touching.
Kudos.