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Marriage
Marriage Monday
16Jun
Dead Man Walking Down The Aisle
Monday, June 16, 2008 at 09:02PM 
It is often suggested in jest that marriage is a death sentence. If you have spent anytime in Charlotte, NC, since the 1950’s, that very well may have been the case for you. Especially if you were involved with a woman named Betty Neumar. Of course, if you had, you wouldn’t be around to be reading this.
Dear old Betty has buried a cool “FIVE” husbands over the years and is now being held on $500,000 bond for hiring a hit man to whack one of her dearly departed.
We at Mitch McDad’s World (and by “we” I mean “me”) are not shy about offering unsolicited advice on all-things-relationship, and that will continue right now.
Ladies and gentlemen, when you enter into a relationship with a 4 time widow/widower, I suggest you keep it on a purely sexual basis. If only one or more of Betty’s men had the ability to time-travel and read this blog post, they might have decided to simply diddle the old lady for a while and move on. Instead, they leapt into the throws of matrimony with a gal that may have been able to make a hell of a peach cobbler, as well as a gal that was pretty handy with a shotgun and arsenic.
Two, three, four dead spouses should instinctually throw up red flags for even the dimmest witted suitors. And even if Betty was a tomcat in the sack, one’s sympathetic nervous system should engage the fight or flight survival skills and kick one in the balls seconds before one’s knee hits the ground to propose to Betty—or any other (alleged) multiple-spouse exterminator. We are all aware of the dreadful divorce rate that mars so many blessed unions. That alone should instill careful consideration when contemplating such a significant commitment. That consideration should increase exponentially by the number of murdered exes involved in the equation.
Even now, I plan on doing a thorough investigation to see how many of MRS’s ex-boyfriends have left this world under suspicious circumstances. There certainly have been numerous times (some deserved, some not) that she has wanted to kill me. Who knows if that latent rage materialized on some poor unsuspecting schlub from her past? All I know is that I’ll be sleeping with one eye open until my investigators have come back with an “all clear.” I don’t want to find out I’m married to a real life Catherine Tramell.
“We” at Mitch McDad’s World suggest you take similar precautions.
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Reader Comments (13)
So, you married an axe-murderer. It happens.
Of course people don't expect "grandma" to be capable of such nefarious acts
So maybe I should wait until I'm much older to start my plans to take out my hubby and remarry and then take him out and...well you get the point. ;)
Ah, don't sweat it too much... unless you happen to have money, or life insurance, or a really cool car.
What a good way to get people to come visit your blog! I love it!
Yeah, this is a scary lady. Betty (or as she shall be hereby known, Betty Bloop, or BB) had what to offer, I wonder? And who would marry her? She doesn't even look the least bit friendly!
I can't wait to hear about your findings on the matter. There must be some seriously fun details to this story.
Wow, yeah, you do really wonder where those red flags were. I mean, didn't her friends or family think SOMETHING must be going on here? Maybe she doesn't have any friends or close family...either way, I think your advice is good. Hopefully, you will be in the clear.
Well, you got MY attention! That's one crazy lady...and some DUMB men!
Yes I have to agree. One would want to question 'why' so many. I would question being No.2! Even that's a 50/50 chance of getting the wrong slice of the pizza.
Great blog, will have to pass that one around.
Somehow....the thought of that lovely lady being a "tomcat" in bed makes me a little nauseaus!
Of course...the idea of keeping my husband on his toes is very attractive! :)
You know, I have to say each of those guys would probably say it was worth it, because that is one fine piece of tail, my friend.
Shit. I went out with that chick last week. She really is a tomcat in the sack.
I think the eyes have it here. The hair and cardi are an obvious 'sweet ole granny' smokescreen, but the eyes are pure evil. Imagine those bearing down on your on a moonless night! Love the post, as always you make me smile:) Amanda
They don't call me Mrs. Payne for nothin'.
I dunno - that Betty looks like a real pain in the ass. Is it possible the men offed themselves to put themselves out of their misery?