As a follow up to my last post (my tongue-in-cheek bitch-fest), please let it be known that I am now Lilly’s favorite. Unfortunately, she has chosen to display this new show of affection in a less than desirable way. The last few nights Lilly has made 3AM potty runs. Prior to the actual acts, she’s come to wake me up to inform me of said events.

• One night it was simply to tell me she had gone potty, she needed no help, and she did not want me to put her back to bed—she would do it herself.
  
• The next night she told me she had a bad dream, she was thinking about going potty, and she, again, needed no assistance from me.
  
• Last night she insisted I get out of bed and take her to the potty because she was afraid to go alone, I was required to put her to bed, and two lullabies were required to complete the process.

Granted, I’m a bit road-weary today after three consecutive interrupted evenings, but the way I see it, a very clear choice has been made. I MUST be Lilly’s favorite or she would have at least woken MRS up one of those nights.

Since I’ve established a new found status as house favorite and I really need some sleep, I’ll be spending tonight and tomorrow night in a hotel—courtesy of a conveniently timed work trip. As I snicker at the thought of Lilly waking up MRS later tonight as a default do to my absence, I’m saddened by the real probability that Lilly will probably just sleep straight through the night. And karma will wake me up at 3 AM just to bust my balls.

Either way, we all had a great long weekend and I’d rather be home with them right now anyway. See you soon girls.

Last night, Lilly so subtly said to me, “so we’re just stuck with you for one more day, right Daddy?” Ouch. That hurt.

MRS is out of town and obviously Lilly hasn’t read the chapter in the Daddy’s Little Girl Handbook explaining how I’m supposed to be the center of her universe. Despite her apparent weariness with me, we’ve actually had a very smooth time these last few days. But obviously, irrespective of the fun we’ve had, my precocious little 5-year-old is finding her dear old dad tiresome. Perhaps it’s her new found sophistication acquired since starting kindergarten. Perhaps it’s her increasing expressions of boredom that arise during any idle moments. Perhaps she’s anticipating me showing up to some future event wearing shorts, dress socks and sandals and she’s decided to get me used to being snubbed.

Whatever the reason, MRS has taken a three length lead in the McDad-house popularity horse race. The good news for me is that we’re just a few furlongs out of the gate. I have plenty of time to gain ground and I always suffer from slow starts. That being said, MRS is splattering my face with dirt as she sprints ahead.

Even my little Lulu—freshly turned 3 and deliverer of the best damn daddy hugs in the world—has been shunning me in favor of MRS in recent weeks. It’s bullshit. She and I are simpatico and she should at least have me even with MRS—really I should be Lulu’s clear cut favorite, but I’m not bitter.

At least Lola still favors me over the whole lot of them. Man’s best friend, indeed. I know my future very clearly and my future is as follows. My home will be overrun with three hormonally charged, menstru-exploding female-types and I will be cowering in my office with either Lola or my new dog (this scenario takes place in ten years or so, I don’t know if Lola will last that long). I’ll be 52 and MRS will be 49 and surely my sex-life will be even sadder than it is today. The girls will be far too cool to want to be seen in public with me. I will be inundated with more peace and quiet than I’ll know what to do with. Peace and quiet that I’d kill for today will most likely depress me in ten years.

I have no witty tie-up for the pathetic vent. I just feel the need to warn the McDad women that if I don’t become someone’s favorite soon I’m taking Lola and getting a bachelor pad. I put up with far too much drama, emotion, princess crap, PMS, and general female issues to be subjugated to second class citizenship. I have rights dammit! I will be someone’s favorite or else!

Is anyone listening to me?

Crap.

Here’s a list of things I should have done tonight:

• work
• write
• go to bed before 2am
  
• anything mildly constructive
• romance my wife
• pull weeds in the back yard
• finish the eleven unfinished projects I have around the house
• finish the eleven unfinished books on my nightstand
  
• overthrow the government and install myself as King

Here’s what I did instead:

• I made faces. You may have noticed some of them on facebook, my sidebar, twitter, etc.
  
• These are actually decent representations—if I was 32 instead of 42 and weighed 180 instead of 220.
• And doesn’t MRS look hot? She is. Especially with her groovy new haircut.

MRS digs shades-

I don’t like shaving-

If I was a hip dude-

My look and demeanor when I have to shovel snow-

My look and demeanor when my girls behave-

My look and demeanor when I’m out on the town-

Check out my new post over at Mile High Mamas and find out why nice guys miss airplanes. 

Tomorrow is Lilly’s first day of kindergarten and, as you might imagine, she’s a little nervous. In dealing with prior situations like this in the past, MRS encouraged her to play the Shy Game. The Shy Game consists of Lilly approaching just one child and introducing herself. And one successful Shy Game introduction always results in a cool reward. So as we went to the Kindergarten intro day today and met the teacher and got the lay of the land, MRS prepped Lilly to play the Shy Game tomorrow when she starts big-girl school for real.

Here’s the newest podcast on RADIO FREE MITCH. Be afraid. Be very afraid.