Define Cheating
Recently in the periphery of the McDad world, two marriages have directly imploded due to Facebook facilitated cheating. The proximity of these episodes to us is pretty close, so I can only extrapolate this data into a virtual Facebook inspired cheating frenzy. As Mitch, I have at this moment 586 of you as friends and at least two thirds of that number of you are female; that’s quite a stock pond for me to work with. Of course, in this scenario, my anonymity would likely hamper my extra-curricular attempts.
My real life Facebook account is stocked with a mere 68 people at this moment–a shrinking number as I have recently been unfriending people that either post way too often or people that I only accepted their friend request to be polite and have since realized that I don’t want them seeing the sporadic photo albums of my family that I post. Point here, is that my real life FB world gives me virtually no infidelity options. Obviously I need to expand my FB friend universe if I want to get some action.
Another recent phenomenon got me thinking about cheating (don’t worry honey, just as a sociological observation; I’m way to exhausted to add another female into my life). As a satellite radio consumer, I can easily sing the jingle for the website Ashley-Madison, as they advertise constantly. If you are not familiar with this company, they are essentially a Match.com for people looking to have sexual relations outside of holy matrimony (website slogan, Life Is Short. Have An Affair). As awesome as this sounds, I have yet to join as, again, I have way too many females in my life—no offense ladies.
I’ve concluded that I must be missing out on a whole lot of fun, again, just like a missed out on the free-love of the sixties. Damn, my timing really sucks. I have also gotten to realize that “cheating” is a relative term from some of the conversations I’ve had lately while doing research for this post. I thought I’d make a little list and try to establish some cheating guidelines. Please chime in so we can get a consensus.
- Friending someone on FB that grabbed your ass at a cocktail party: I say not cheating but anyone that grabs my ass is playing with fire.
- Going to a strip club: since I don’t have the bankroll to “make it rain,” all of my strip club visits have been more harmless that watching Cinemax. No problem here.
- Making out with someone you just met at Starbucks: this situations seems a bit inappropriate so I say try to avoid if at all possible.
- Finding a masseuse on craigslist: hmmm….I’ve heard craiglist has some very exotic massage therapists, but you have to be careful when shopping online–might want to avoid this one.
- Wearing a speedo to the community pool because you know your hot neighbor is going to be there: though I look fantastic in my baby blue Michael Phelps, I’ve decided it’s safer for all concerned if I stick with the board shorts.
- Fawning over the hot server at Chili’s who may or may not be young enough to be your child: again, certainly some grey area here, but when your spouse asks you to stop because they are trying to eat and they are getting nauseous, that’s a good sign that a line is being crossed.
- Emailing semi-nude photos to a select few blogging friends: my rule here is I refuse to send any out due to copyright concerns but I’m too polite to stop you from sending them to me.
- Making an extra supermarket run during “prime time” to check out all the action: Ok here, as long as you purchase at least three items that you actually need.
Well, that’s my take on the subject. I know it’s unpleasant, but it needed to be addressed. Plus, how often can you write about kids vomiting on airplanes?
Now, for any of you that really get my drift on this post, I’ll be in the baby section of SuperTarget today at 3:15. I’ll be shopping for pull-ups. Use the code word: Spitzer. Also, you may or may not be able to reach me at Ashley-Madison under the username name: speedomitch.
