At the risk of infecting my blog hits with even more twisted search terms, such as “dad doing Dora,” I give you the following holiday anecdote.It’s been a while since my first vibrator post, a post that brought lots of readers and gobs of spammers.
Well, like the first post, this one was born from another girls night out. But this time, MRS had to flake and missed the whole thing.She got an email report the next day chastising her for missing a big event and detailing the evening topics.
1) Vibrators – - shocker
2) Internal orgasms – - as opposed to ones in the woods I suppose
3) Boob jobs – - again, nothing we haven’t seen before4) Role play – - apparently Betty likes to pretend she’s an Amish woman that lost her way.
As MRS read me the email, I wondered aloud what went wrong with her, or more so, how did I marry the only prude in the Western Hemisphere. All the rest of the normal looking suburban moms that she rolls with have turned out to be sex starved fetish queens while MRS has modeled herself after Laura Ingalls.
OK. Maybe I’m exaggerating a tiny bit on both counts, but I think I’ve made my point. I even bought her this Candy Cane vibrator at Target, but we all know she’s going to return it right after she opens it Christmas morning. I hope I kept the gift receipt.Anyway. Just trying to do my part to spread the Christmas cheer.
Ho Ho Ho! ……. oh sorry, that’s not PC anymore, is it?
Posted by Jeff on December 22, 2007 at 12:03 am
I’m confused. I always thought a wife would only need a vibrator if her husband wasn’t…
Um, never mind… I’m sure you’re doing a fine job.
jkoc – Hope you have a GREAT Christmas Mr. AND Mrs. McDad!
Posted by Jason on December 22, 2007 at 12:07 am
I thought my wife was a prude too until she mentioned the other day that she’d like to watch some porn. I couldn’t decide whether to be excited or offended.
Posted by Nola on December 22, 2007 at 8:19 am
Your Target is a lot more, er, interesting than the one in NOLA! Hot damn.
Wishing you a very merry Christmas!
Posted by Hygiene Dad on December 22, 2007 at 9:26 am
Damn, we’ve been looking for one final gift for my mom. Perfect. See, this is why I need to the “gay sex toys” aisle in target. I never even saw that.
Mitch, you come up with the most bizarre gifts to show your loved ones how much you care.
Merry Christmas, to what will undoubtedly be the happiest house in Denver.
Posted by Rattling the Kettle on December 22, 2007 at 9:52 am
What’s with the little picture of the vibrator on the package, right next to the actual (bigger) vibrator? In case you miss the actual item, which is three times the size, and have no idea what you’re buying?
Posted by Dawn on December 22, 2007 at 11:57 am
OH THE BLOG FODDER!!!! Whee!
Posted by Colleen on December 22, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I’m just trying to imagine which aisle in target that lovely item was in. I mean… is it considered a holiday item?
Posted by henitsirk on December 22, 2007 at 2:32 pm
i shop at Target all the time, and I am appalled that I missed that one. I guess I need to branch out beyond the dollar section and the baby wipes.
I did notice it’s made in China…I hope you’re not going to give MRS some lead poisoning or anything.
Posted by Heather on December 22, 2007 at 5:58 pm
My husband would probably write something similar about me…especially since I’m pregnant. For some reason I don’t feel much like pretending I’m the French Maid. It’s hard to pretend the beer-like belly away, ya know?
Posted by Redneck Mommy on December 22, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Talk about getting a little treat under the tree.
Damn, I wish we had a Target near us.
Merry Christmas to you and yours.
Posted by Keith on December 22, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Target?!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas you sicko.
Posted by Mooselet on December 22, 2007 at 11:37 pm
We don’t have stuff like that in our Targets. Of course when the Hermit and I went out for our after dinner ice cream last night, the only shop that was open – aside from all the take aways – was the adult shop. I asked if he’d get me something from there for Christmas, but he declined. You really need to speak to him.
Posted by becky on December 23, 2007 at 10:01 am
Are you sure you got that from Target?? Every time we drive the 3 hours to Target I visit every single isle there. I have yet to see anything like that there. Maybe my Target is a prude!
I really like this one!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas!!!!
Posted by (un)relaxeddad on December 23, 2007 at 12:35 pm
That is so the farthest thing from both of our minds right now! A three week old will do that to you. The couple next door seem to have a full tool box of Santa’s more interesting stocking fillers and are pretty vocal about letting the neighbourhood know about it. Supermum’s been considering waiting for the round of “Oh OH OH OH MY GOD” to start emanating, scooping up dudelet from her Moses basket, scooting round to their front door and hammering on it and yelling “Look at this! Look at THIS! Do you realise what you’re doing? DO YOU!?”
We aren’t getting enough sleep. What was it you were talking about?
Posted by Sarah on December 23, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Thanks for the Frova suggestion, Mitch. It didn’t work for me. I’ve been dealing with migraines since I was 6 and have tried everything. The few that I’ve had recently have been low-grade ones and Midrin kicks them in the teeth for me. It used to be that I was on three daily preventatives and had TWO different abortive prescriptions. Now, I live my life relatively pain-free and try my best NOT to take medications!
Posted by Suburban Kamikaze on December 23, 2007 at 4:43 pm
Well sure, it’s festive. And nothing says Christmas like sex toys. But isn’t this going to be awfully sticky?
Posted by Darren on December 23, 2007 at 5:04 pm
I think I need to head back to Target for one more gift too.
Have a great Christmas.
Posted by Mitch McDad on December 23, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Props to Suburban Kamikaze for perhaps my favorite comment ever! And to answer you–
Yes, I suppose it would.
Posted by creative-type dad on December 23, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Wow! At Target?
I think they’re open late tonight…maybe I can run over
Posted by Johnny on December 23, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Wow, this all makes my wife and I sound like the local trailer park sex trash.. LOL
Guess I will quietly duck away from this post…..
(Backing away quietly so I am not seen or heard)
Posted by croutonboy on December 25, 2007 at 11:02 pm
If you can track down the location of this girls night out let me know and I’ll happily investigate….
Merry Christmas!
Posted by deborah on December 26, 2007 at 10:11 am
well, lo and behold! and Tarjhay of all places??
Posted by MammaLoves on December 26, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Damn! All I got was a new digital SLR Nikon.
Posted by Kelly on December 26, 2007 at 4:56 pm
I can relate to your wife big time, while hubby is kicking himself for buying my presents at Wal-Mart instead of Target!
Posted by Whit on December 27, 2007 at 12:08 pm
You have to be careful with candy-shaped vibrators. You are risking serious tooth chippage.
Posted by Alex Elliot on January 2, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Your Target is so much better than the one I go to!
Posted by Joe on January 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Target? Wow! I like the tag line on the box…Santa isn’t the only one who is coming…LMAO, what is the cheese factor on that one?
Posted by Liz on January 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Being new to suburbia, I was shocked at the first block party we were invited to, where everyone drank way too much and flirted inappropriately with each other. Just the other day I told my husband I felt like I’d joined the neighborhood sorority. So this is what happens after initiation? Oh, why did we move out of our loft?
Posted by Ashley Sanders on January 13, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Ha! Okay so I’m still confused…is this a “special Target” that you go to? Maybe I’ve missed some aisles when we go…Hmm…