Regular readers know that both MRS and I travel a decent amount for our respective jobs. Currently, MRS is on a boondoggle and I’m solo with the little ladies. For the sake of the blog and for self-deprecating entertainment, I’m going to drop dime on myself and reveal a few of my little secrets that help enable me to survive single-parentdom.
Of course, MRS probably won’t dig reading this post, and I’m certainly going to face increased scrutiny in future solo stints with the girls, but that’s how far I’m willing to go to entertain the tens of people that honor this blog with their time.
The Hygiene Quotient
In the summer we seemingly bathe the girls daily. I don’t mind bath time with the girls–it’s fun, they love it, and they’re adorable with each other in the tub. My wife is a pretty clean gal, thusly, our kids are pretty clean. But….they’re not so clean tonight. In fact, if our planned bath for tomorrow morning doesn’t happen, I’m quite sure I’ll be hearing from those that spend their days with my monkeys. Yes, they will be the smelly kids. But I’m firmly committed to hose them down after breakfast tomorrow, only I have a jam packed day, so, you never know. Overall, I’d have to say that while MRS is away we bathe at about a 37% rate. Not too bad, considering. The trick to fooling the wife is to bathe them on the return day. With that on the books, there are no questions asked and all is well with the world.
Kiddie Krack
Getting ready in the morning is tough enough with a 2 and 4 year old nipping incessantly at your heals. But doing it alone is brutal. Showering is the most challenging feat as you inevitably face bloodcurdling shrieks from outer rooms while you rinse, lather and repeat. My solution to this problem turned out to be a simple one: find a weakness and exploit it. Lilly and Lulu share the same weakness: fruit snacks. Preferably, Princess fruit snacks. In order to take a relatively peaceful morning shower, I hang two packs of Princess snacks off my medicine cabinet, just high enough that Lilly can’t quite reach them while standing on a stool, and I tell them if no one bleeds or breaks anything, the treats will be theirs the second the water shuts off. Pass me the looffa.
Think on my toes
Lulu’s daycare provider threw me for a loop today. I picked up Lilly at her pre-school and the two of us sang “Let’s go fly a kite,” from Mary Poppins, all the way to get Lulu. And no, Steve, I’m really not gay. Evelyn, our daycare provider, has watched one or both of our kids for close to four years now, but has never screwed me like she did today. When Lilly and I walked into Evelyn’s house to pick up Lulu, we were met with extreme oddness. Lulu seemed to be doing some weird Kung Fu poses like Ralph Macchio waxing off, but as we found out, she was merely trying to dry her nails. Yes, Evelyn painted Lulu’s fingers and toenails and Lulu was in her glory showing them off to us. Here’s the rub, I’m secretly hoping Lulu will be my tomboy since Lilly is so far girly-girl there may be no turning back for her. But Lulu has made me rethink all that now with this nail display. Of course, Lilly, upon seeing Lulu’s mani-pedi, decided she HAD to have one, too. I’ve never painted anyone’s nails before, not even during experimental co-ed shenanigans, but the sad envy in Lilly’s eyes forced me to promise
her on the spot that I do it for her when we got home. I got a stay of execution–the neighbors’ kids were outside when we got home and Lilly chose playing with them over her treatments, but made me promise a morning rain check. So tomorrow morning I’ll have to try to match this picture…Lulu’s toes. But really, my main goal is going to come up with some kind of distraction to avoid the mess entirely. I’ll probably just end up taking Lilly to the nail salon. Can you take a four-year-old to a nail salon? How much does it cost?
Hairspray
I’m a bald, 41 year old man. I don’t exactly fancy myself as Warren Beatty in Shampoo. I’ve learned to do a ponytail, but since Lilly’s haircut, her hair is too short for one and Lulu just doesn’t have enough hair for me to do anything to. So, when MRS travels, I send the girls into the world with bed-head and attitude. I grab a handful of clips and rubber bands and dole them out to the girls’ respective caregivers as I drop them off. Hey, at least they’re not in their pajamas when I drop them off….and don’t think I haven’t considered that move.
Am I pathetic? Maybe. But we all cut a few corners. Right?
Posted by whit on August 22, 2007 at 12:47 am
I can’t imagine having two girls. At least with the boys I can let them go crazy and society accepts it as proof of the stereotype. I take them to the grocery store looking like they’ve been chasing greased pigs all day and hear people laughing about boys being boys and all that crap. It’s freakin’ great.
Posted by Dan on August 22, 2007 at 1:07 am
Girls hair is an eternal mystery. On days when it’s my turn to prepare and transport Amy o her nursery she invariably goes sporting Courtney Love’s hairstyle.
Posted by Hygiene Dad on August 22, 2007 at 5:08 am
If you were singing Evita or Hello Dolly, then I’d begin to suspect.
As for baths, my son LOVES them so I just dump him in the tub, watch a few hours of TV and scoop him out.
Bald? How bald? Like Whit bald or just losing some hair?
Posted by Taste Like Crazy on August 22, 2007 at 6:29 am
Oh, hun. You did just fine!
I’m with Hygiene Dad concerning the baldness. I think you should post a picture or two.
Posted by yogamum on August 22, 2007 at 7:23 am
You can indeed take a 4 yo to a nail salon. I was dying for a pedicure yesterday and took my 8 yo with me. She now has blue toenails with flowers on them.
But I think you can handle toenail painting. It’s really not that hard.
I say skip as many baths as you can before they get really stinky (like my 11 yo).
Posted by MetroDad on August 22, 2007 at 7:32 am
cupcakes are my daughter’s crack cocaine. She’ll do anything for them…including take a bath, go to bed by herself, clean up her room, and change the oil in the car.
Posted by Zen Mama on August 22, 2007 at 10:11 am
I’m pretty sure that MRS cuts a lot of slack when you’re in charge. I realize when I leave the boys with my husband that they will probably be cared for in a different (but equally loving) way than when I am in charge. I have several girlfriends who all agree that it’s no hold’s barred when Dad’s in charge — we’re just glad to have involved husbands!
I know a 2-year old girl who has already had a pedi from a salon (so LA…) so I’m sure your little one would do well. Good luck!
Posted by henitsirk on August 22, 2007 at 10:18 am
Sounds OK to me.
I say, as long as he doesn’t encourage new talents in the kids (teaching them the Jeopardy tune, giving them a taste for espresso, etc.) that we normally frown on, the hubby gets an A+ just for delivering mostly clean, stiches/cast/head wound-free children. Of course, hubby normally far exceeds that, as I’m sure you do too.
Posted by deborah on August 22, 2007 at 11:12 am
Toes are a must! Not to mention adorable. The baths can wait, and hair, let the sitter deal with that, she has them all day. But the toes, come on! That is way more than just an accessory.
Of course, if you do a real bang-up job, she just may never ask you to do it again. just sayin…..
Posted by creative-type dad on August 22, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Toes? That’s funny.
Honestly, the TOUGHEST part for me is the hair. I can’t even do anything with my daughter’s hair. I pretty much soak it in water, attempt to brush it and then run out the door when I had her over to the sitter
Posted by Darren on August 22, 2007 at 4:00 pm
I almost hate to admit it, but I do okay with fixing the hair and I’ve painted toenails and fingernails. My daughter is almost six though so I’ve had more practice.
Posted by aimee/greeblemonkey on August 22, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I chuckled the whole way through.
All I can say is THANK GOD I have a boy. You should see what happens when Bryan combs my son’s hair.
Posted by Mooselet on August 22, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Having a boy does not guarantee you unpainted nails, especially when they have older sister(s). They either want it done, not understanding the whole gender difference thing, or are willing guinea pigs for their sister(s). And yes, I have the blackmail photos to prove it.
Her Majesty loves getting her nails painted, but also loves rugby and watching Dad do minor repairs to the motorcycle (and “helping”). You can have a tomboy who’s just a little girly around the edges.
Posted by Annie on August 22, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I’d say your wife will know exactly how things go when she’s not in town
You’re doing a pretty good job I’d say! Everyone’s fed and happy, it’s all good.
Posted by Cathouse Teri on August 22, 2007 at 7:12 pm
I think you are the perfect McDad.
It probably would have been best if Mrs McD didn’t know about these things.
There is no doubt in my mind that you can take a four-year-old to a nail salon
My little granddaughter has had painted toenails from the time she was a month old. She will be three on 9/11. Her mum paints them, though.
It is a hard job, though, so or God’s sake! Let the professionals do it!
BTW FYI
“Let’s Go Fly a Kite” is from Mary Poppins.
Posted by KC on August 22, 2007 at 7:33 pm
I don’t know about bringing her to a professional. It might be so pretty that she’ll insist regular ones. That’s way too high maintenance. Best to have a do-it-yourself disaster job at home and put this one to bed for the next few years.
Posted by Mitch McDad on August 22, 2007 at 8:32 pm
UPDATE: I’ve managed to stall Lilly on the nail painting. I didn’t have time to take her to the salon, and she ended up not wanting me to do it since she knew I’d screw it up. MRS is on her way home from the airport at this moment, so she take over hair and nails tomorrow.
I have to thank CATHOUSE TERI for correcting me on the “Fly A Kite” thing. We were all over Mary Poppins for a while and the girls sing that song constantly. Grandma gave us Chitty Chitty recently, and they’re all the same to me, actually, I’m kind of glad I made that mistake–maybe I’m not a complete wuss yet after all.
Posted by Cathouse Teri on August 23, 2007 at 1:26 am
Well I’m all over Mary Poppins AND Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! So I am a complete wuss. Oh wait. I’m a girl. I get to be a wuss.
Congrats on averting the nail crisis!
Posted by Jeff on August 23, 2007 at 10:36 pm
I could literally here the “phfttt” when you opened your can of hair worms. Dude, you so have to post a picture of yourself now. There’s no turning back now.
Posted by yellojkt on August 24, 2007 at 4:24 pm
37% is a great batting average but pretty bad for a bathing average. Wash those toes!
Posted by Keith on August 25, 2007 at 11:40 am
You sound like a great dad to me! In fact, where I’m from you’re old enough to be MY dad.
Posted by R on August 25, 2007 at 12:15 pm
You are a very wise man, Mitch… and I”m going to try and get our Strollerderby team to write this up… Meanwhile, I’m finally getting organized over at my new site and I’ve added you to my blogroll… Only took me about a year but better late than never!
-Rachael
Posted by Suburban Kamikaze on August 25, 2007 at 1:42 pm
“Can you take a four-year old to a nail salon?” Well you can, but only if you are prepared to pay for her facials at age six, waxing at 11 and full-blown cosmetic surgery by 13. “But Daddy, all the other seventh graders have implants!”
It is the proverbial slippery slope, McDad. Get your McCheckbook out.
Posted by Paige on August 25, 2007 at 5:37 pm
I have cut my share of corners, yes.
Posted by Above Average Joe on August 25, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Mrs. Joe paints our 2 yr old’s toes whenever she does her own. The difficulty is keeping Peanut still until they dry.
Posted by MammaLoves on August 29, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Bed head and attitude. Now THAT is a lesson for life.
Posted by forstmeister on August 31, 2007 at 9:08 am
As a father of 3 girls, I have to say that I too am guilty of tricks to keep the kids happy when mom is not around. I find that a well-timed Princess movie can buy me the time needed to perform all of the chores I put off until the last minute. When mom comes home, the kids are sleeping peacefully, the house looks good, and I am the good guy!
Girls hair? Don’t get me started! Ponytails are the Devils Work.
Posted by dobeman on October 11, 2007 at 7:00 am
When Career-mom travels at my house, it’s leftover or takeout, long evenings at the park, and a no-nonsense bedtime.
And I try to enforce this with the kids too…