Dear Denver Dad,
I would like to take this opportunity to defend my blog’s dignity and honor with regard to your vicious assault.
Am I the only one here who is disturbed by how shockingly common the tag “vibrators” shows up on this blog? Mitch, you’re going to give people the wrong idea about what life is like here in Colorado! – Denver Dad
How dare you imply that the sole purpose of Mitch McDad’s World is to titillate my readers with salacious entries designed to shock and arouse. Granted, you did not write that, but the implication is glaring.
Sure, I occasionally use guttural language, and describe bodily functions in a manner that could easily repulse the average man-on-the-street. But let’s not completely ignore my contribution to the arts. Let’s not arbitrarily dismiss my global humanitarian efforts. Let’s not trivialize my raw sexuality, a sexuality that is essential for countless thousands in the blogosphere to feed off of for daily enrichment. Let’s not drill down MMW to a series of off-handed, ill-conceived, fart jokes.
I will not apologize for my occasional use of the word “vibrator.” The fact that “vibrator” is to blog hits, as “lesbians” are to radio ratings for Howard Stern, is a mere coincidence. In fact, I refrained from renaming this blog Mitch McDad’s World of Vibrators, solely to avoid crashing the WordPress servers.
As for Denver and her immaculate image that you so fervently try to protect; here is a little statistic for you to absorb. Denver, Colorado, is the largest per capita consumer of vibrators in the Northern Hemisphere and is second only to Montevideo, Uruguay, worldwide. You can Google that if you need to see the official statistics–though I don’t recommend it.
In closing, when Paul Revere threw a bag of Earl Grey tea into Lake Huron, freedom of the press was born (or something like that). And if I chose to inform the masses of certain self-satisfactory pleasure devices, then dammit, I say the world needs more people like me. You can always go read LA Daddy or Harmonica Man for vibrator-free content.
Regards,
Mitchell V. McDad, Esq.
PS. For those that mistake my sarcasm for venom. This post was written with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
Posted by des on April 6, 2007 at 3:36 pm
ha ha ha.
Vibrator.
Posted by L.A. Daddy on April 6, 2007 at 4:31 pm
Damn. Now I’m going to have to add vibrator content to my blog.
Posted by A Elliot on April 6, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Hmmm….I may have to add vibrator to some of my blog posts. I already get a ton of hits from people looking for porn whenever I write about nipples (that’s BOTTLE nipples)
Posted by Denver Dad on April 6, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Hehehe… that’s awesome! Well done, Mitch! Well done, indeed!
So, “Vibrators” is really working for you, eh? I just got some hits off a google search for “spanking” the other day. If we combine our powers for good… no… I mean EVIL, we could really have something.
I recommend “Mitch Vibrating McDad’s Spanking World” as your new blog title.
Posted by MetroDad on April 6, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Dude, “Mitch McDad’s World of Vibrators” has such a great ring to it. If you don’t use it for the title of a new blog, can we use it start a porn shop in downtown Denver? I think they need one.
Posted by whit on April 6, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Maybe if you had less vibrators in Denver you’d get a bit more action. Hey, I’m just doing the math.
Posted by MammaLoves on April 7, 2007 at 9:46 am
What? You don’t always write about vibrators?
That was the only reason I was reading.
Posted by d.vrai on April 7, 2007 at 10:08 am
This entry only has six mentions of the word vibrator. Seven if you count the tag. I’m sorely disappointed there weren’t more and may have to knock you off my rss tracking list.
Okay, sure, many of my subscriptees don’t talk about vibrators but I depend on you and Sex in the Puble Square and UDreamOfJanie to keep me in the know with regard to vibrators. Up the ante, dear sir, or I’ll begin to mention vibrators and nipples in each of my own posts.
Posted by Maria on April 7, 2007 at 10:18 am
Thank you for the good idea. My blog can now be found under the new name: Maria’s Lesbian Romps.
Too much, you think?
Posted by Mitch McDad on April 7, 2007 at 11:36 am
DES…that’s what MRS says, “ha ha ha, vibrator.” LAD..join the club. Alex…ooh, nipples…good idea, I might steal it. DD…i feel a Dr Evil / Mini Me thing happening here. And I can’t use the “spanking,” title, I’m not into spanking because I bruise like fruit. METRO…I’m working on the business plan and searching for investors. WHIT…as I told you in my email, date night tonight…I’m calling my shot right now. Get ready for a graphic post tomorrow. ML…Have no fear, I’m holding a workshop, soon. D.VRAI…stick with me…I’m on the fast track to the gutter. MARIA…love it!
Posted by (un)relaxeddad on April 7, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Ha ha ha ! Now can we get back to the vibrators and no-sex-hell please?
Posted by Redneck Mommy on April 7, 2007 at 6:34 pm
I knew I found you for a reason.
My love of vibrators. Or BOB as I like to call him. (My battery operated buddy.)
Posted by Jeff on April 8, 2007 at 2:22 pm
You’re right, I never have posted anything about vibrators on my site. That’s because we don’t have one in the house. Of course, why would you have one when your wife DOESN’T NEED ONE!
Eh?
Posted by Kimmie on April 8, 2007 at 3:03 pm
I MUST , I mean I just HAVE to answer to Jeff’s little blurb about his wife not needing one. Dude, you are SO deluding yourself…and she’s either lying OR she’s never had the nerve to experience the oh-so-wonderful vibe in action. All of this is sooooo making me want to post my last half-assed decent convo with my ex before the divorce was final…think I will. Mitch! Your blog is awesome! Despite the lack of vibrator posts it’s all good. Personally I prefer your snarkiness on the sex/or lack thereof front and also the hilarity expressed in all of your other posts. You just know how to take everyday life and make it oh so funny. Keep it up!
Posted by Paige on April 8, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Man, after your past two posts, I feel like there’s no way anyone can top you for laugh out loud hilarity…
Posted by Jeff on April 8, 2007 at 6:53 pm
Kimmie – “she’s either lying OR she’s never had the nerve to experience the oh-so-wonderful vibe in action… OR I’m just giving Mitch shit and taking a jab at myself.
Yeah, that last one
Posted by Mitch McDad on April 8, 2007 at 7:56 pm
(UN)RELAXED….speaking of “no-sex-hell,” wait til you read my next post. REDNECK…I’m sure I speak for all the fellas when I say we’d like to hear more about this dude BOB. JEFF (COMMENT 1)… bite me. KIMMIE…. thanks for having my back, and the check is in the mail. PAIGE….your check is in the mail, too. JEFF (COMMENT 2)….No back-peddling please. You and Denver Dad are still on my shit list.
Posted by yellojkt on April 8, 2007 at 8:07 pm
For a guy getting no action, it is beginning to concern me how interested you are in vibrators.
My parents read my blog, so the “v” word will never appear.
Posted by Mooselet on April 9, 2007 at 3:08 am
Yeah, I’m guessing MRS still hasn’t put out. Maybe it’s time for a little, er, self release before you blow a gasket? Then you can describe more “self-satisfactory pleasure devices” like Mr. Hand.
Posted by Kate on April 9, 2007 at 1:53 pm
Me loves the vibrator!
Posted by Darren a/k/a Clare's Dad on April 9, 2007 at 3:17 pm
I could never resort to something like this to get blog readers. I’ll stick with the simple deception of letting people think my blog is about LOST.
Posted by pageantmom on April 9, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Don’t feel bad – the most responses I ever got to a post on my blog was the one where the subject involved visible panty lines….
Posted by Mitch McDad on April 9, 2007 at 7:36 pm
YELLO….please, this blog is a no-judging zone. MOOSE….you just descibed my daily shower routine. KATE…atta girl…details are always welcome here. DARREN…never say never. PAGEANT…mmmmm…panty lines….daddy like…as long as they’re not granny panties…ahh..who am I kidding…bring on the bloomers.
Posted by Crank Mama » Blog Archive » Laid. on April 9, 2007 at 9:30 pm
[...] on the sphere seem to have their minds collectively in the gutter…. or maybe it’s just me. Meanwhile, do you want to know who I absolutely love now? [...]
Posted by BOSSY on April 10, 2007 at 2:42 am
One of Bossy’s simple pleasures is her cell phone set to vibrate.
Posted by Suburban Kamikaze on April 10, 2007 at 8:28 am
Jesus, Mitch.
This was so completely gratuitous and manipulative. Let me just state for the record that any girl-on-girl stuff to be found at suburbankamikaze.com is there solely for its literary integrity. Same goes for blowjobs, vibrators, spanking and panties.
SK