“How ’bout a couple extra stitches, Doc?” A Mother’s Day post?????
At the risk at attracting even more blog hits from nasty Google searches, here we go.![]()
During a plane ride a few days ago I stumbled upon this article in Best Life: Can I Buy My Wife A New Va-Jay-Jay? “This year for Mother’s Day, why not give your wife….a new Vagina?” I wonder if Hallmark has any cards that go with such a gift?
Every dad has heard or said this common line during a chat with the fellas when someone has a pregnant wife, “How ’bout a couple extra stitches, doc?” It’s the generic joke that addresses man’s fear of being faced with having to make love to the female version of the Lincoln Tunnel. But, this article about designer vaginoplasty takes the discussion to a whole new level––imagining moms recreating the vagina of an 18-year-old.
The article is tongue-in-cheek; it’s pretty funny actually. But it brings to mind the ever-present problem I have with the modern state of being a woman. Hmmm. That doesn’t sound right.
As the papa of two lovely little ladies, it really pisses me off at what they’ll be faced with going forward––all the superficial bullshit women thrust upon each other. The never-ending search to “look good” and the evil campaign to make each other feel bad about each other’s bodies. And now, this Holy Grail-esq search for a teenaged vagina.
I can just hear the conversation, “Doc, I want the ass of a twelve-year-old boy, the tits of a Macy’s parade float, and the box of a pep squad girl.” Yeash. Where will it end? And women wonder why self-esteem is vaporizing across our national landscape.
Ladies, you need to take a page from our book. When we look at the cover of a Men’s Health mag, we don’t feel inadequate. We call the guy a douche and head to the nearest sports bar for some beer and wings. Fat and happy is our mantra. Our vanity goes no further than trying not to be the fattest guy at the pool––and making every attempt to position ourselves as close to the fattest guy as possible to benefit from the positive juxtaposition.
Now I’m not trying to be the obesity proponent. Since we started the McDad litter, I’ve increased my body mass by a good 25 lbs. and I definitely want to get rid of each one of them. But as anyone in my inner circle knows, I’m not exactly gripping about it. I haven’t gotten the lipo evaluation yet. I’m not downing Fen-phen. I’m enjoying yet another man-perk, caressing my sexy beer-belly and easing into my workout program––we’re now into month 4 of the planning process.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that instead of falling for the Hollywood trappings of designer vaginas, let start with a few sets of kegles and take it from there. Life’s too short. Sanity needs to make a comeback. And we men love you just the way you are.
Happy Mother’s Day!
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Filed under: All things female | Tagged: BestLife, Fen-phen, Kegels, Mother's Day, Va-jay-jay, Vagina | 31 Comments »












